Break on through to the other side

IMG_0519 - Version 3Sleep, you elusive creature you.

This is a new one: I fell asleep and was awoken a short time later by coyotes. It sounded like a lot of them, converging somewhere in the darkness outside my window and howling at whatever coyotes howl at. This isn’t happening in Manhattan, by the way. I’m in the Berkshires for the holidays, where this sort of behavior is perfectly  appropriate.

It’s been a very busy couple of weeks and now that I’m *still* I realize I have a great deal on my mind. Lots of projects to start, or to continue working on, or, God willing, to complete. I put many things on hold for the month of December, which means I’ve placed a fair amount of burden on January’s shoulders, but I’ll get through it. January – Janus – the two-faced god of beginnings and transitions. Bring it on.

I’ve avoided insomnia for a bit and hope this is temporary, because the things that are flooding my mind are things I can’t really act on at the moment.

Among many other goals and fantasies for the new year, I will go back to Paris in 2015. This is certain. Last year was the first in quite some time that I didn’t visit, and I’m craving it – craving sitting and looking out the window at the view above. I love that city for the many cliché reasons people love it, and for many more personal ones.

I’m trying to get through Man’s Search For Meaning, which is not a long book at all but is a lofty one – written by a psychiatrist who survived his time in the concentration camps and set out to understand why. It’s not light reading and so probably not the best thing for my sleep-deprived brain. But it’s important, and I learned about this book from someone who manages to combine spiritual and practical in a very productive way.

So much to be learned from the year that’s passed. It was such a strange one – extreme lows and relative highs – but a lot of good has come out of it. I’m better for it. I think I need to write about this when I’m firing with however many cylinders one fires with. That’ll teach me to attempt an automotive metaphor. Not my area of expertise.

The holiday season came fast and furious, as it does, but I managed to concern myself not just with its logistics this year, but with its loveliness, too. A couple of parties, meals with friends, some holiday music, even a strand of lights around my window.

I had many other things I’d intended to write here but, like sleep, they are not coming to me. However, in the interest of finishing what I start, I will post this mundane exercise. I’ve just finished a personal essay workshop and the instructor is a big advocate of this sort of thing (you know I’m not a fan of the bl– word) – this forum for writing. So one of my writing goals in 2015 is to be more diligent about this. The problem I run into is that I feel like if I don’t have anything brilliant or pithy or important to say I shouldn’t say anything at all. And maybe that’s true, but the less I write the less I come up with brilliant, pithy, and important things to say. As they say over there, l’appetit vient en mangeant: the appetite comes while eating. Applicable to so many situations.

I’m going to get out of my fitness slumber – I’ve been in a rut since August, and this needs to change. In a couple of hours this will begin to change. After another attempt at sleep and copious amounts of coffee.

Starting to see double. Good night. Don’t let the coyotes bite.

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