What happens to a dream deferred?


Oh, insomnia, wherefore art thou such a familiar part of my life? I inadvertently frontloaded my sleep last night and woke at 2:something this morning; have been unsuccessfully trying to reclaim sleep since. Forgive the lack of linear thought that will probably follow.

I had lovely conversations this weekend about many things. They include, in no particular order: This is Spinal Tap, key lime pie, dogs, the beauty of being in one’s 40s, what makes for a proper pie crust, the prison system, George Clooney, vulnerability, the beauty of knowing smart, strong people in their 80s, the fact that Monuments Men was a fascinating subject watered down into Oceans 14, futbol.

A fellow I sat next to during the Argentina/Germany match (despite my German blood I was rooting for the other guys) told me about a date he’d been on the previous night. I asked how it was and he said, “Not good. She looked ten years older than her picture.” Remember when that might not have instantly made sense?

Apparently there is a lot of lying on these online dating sites; I hear it often from friends. Never having done it myself I can’t say for sure but I highly doubt I’d lie or misrepresent myself. I really don’t see the point, but then I’m not known for my lying skills. Which means I’m either very honest or an excellent liar. But really, I’ve heard from women who’ve gone on first dates with men who bill themselves at 5’9″ and fail to mention that that’s while standing on a table, and men who’ve dated women who say “single” without adding “if my marriage doesn’t last”. There are lids for every pot – wouldn’t you want to get these logistics out of the way in the beginning?

Some years ago I was on vacation with a girlfriend who was one of the pioneers of online dating. While we were on vacation her profile was picked by Salon and Nerve and several other places as the Profile of the Week – and so she returned home to hundreds of potential suitors flooding her inbox. And she married one of them! Briefly.

I had my recurring dream a few nights ago – one of my recurring dreams – in which I’m showing friends around a dreamlike version of my parents’ home and toward the end of the tour I realize that there’s one more room that I’d forgotten about – and so we go – and it’s this elaborate, ornately decorated, loftlike mini-apartment that is unlike anything else in the house – and it’s always the most impressive part of the tour. Some years ago a shrink and I discussed this and decided that this is the “hidden” part of me – the untapped reservoir of potential – the undiscovered talent – the dream deferred. In this recent dream the friends to whom I was showing it were my two suitemates from senior year in college (Hi, K&M!) – which is probably significant if you buy into the dream analysis thing, which I do. Perhaps something that happened during that year plays into the fact that I’ve squelched whatever reservoir/talent/dream this is … A lot happened that year, a lot of things that contribute to who I am today, much of it not-good. There were excellent things that year as well, but there were some significant challenges, having nothing to do with school itself, that I should probably examine and get past. I’ll put that on my list of things to do today, a list that includes: finish Chapter Eight, check details on Louie’s bag of dog food against the list of recalled Iams products someone just sent me, and write Thank You notes.

My windows were cleaned yesterday, for the second time in 8 years. Hence, the photo above.

2 thoughts on “What happens to a dream deferred?

  1. I made it into the blaahhhgg!

    There must have been something in the air last night.  I tossed and turned for hours.


  2. My dearest friend! You did indeed – and the height thing made me think of you, and I had a much longer paragraph about you and ___ that I edited for cattiness (against ____). As K said, “it seemed like a good idea at the time.” And it did. And regardless, we move forward and I love you!

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