Sometimes I wanna keep you warm


A few people, strangers — men — have advised me to “stay warm!” in the past couple of days. Would that it were that easy. I suppose this is the modern-day “Cold enough for ya?!” According to my meditation instructor (not sure I mentioned this, but in addition to my writing courses I am taking a meditation workshop), this is doable. Mind over matter. She told us this after opening the window at our Thursday night workshop just before our guided meditation. When she asked how our own meditation has been going – we’re meant to practice six out of the seven days between sessions – a woman in the class said that she finds herself trying to clear her mind and then thinking things like, “Okay, I’m clearing my mind. My mind is clear. Holy shit, I’m meditating! Wait – am I actually meditating? I wonder if this is what meditation feels like …” etcetera. I can absolutely relate. Last week I had a very hard time sitting still for even two minutes. Since Thursday night, I think I’ve managed to meditate for a few minutes, but like my classmate, I’m not certain. Clearing one’s mind is a very challenging exercise. Because I find myself thinking, I’ve cleared my mind. I’m not thinking about the work I’m supposed to be doing or my dog who’s not feeling well or the dinner I’m really looking forward to eating or that annoying workplace scenario I’ve been dealing with or the fact that I’m sitting here with a clear mind. We are meant to acknowledge the thoughts we have and let them go. 

I don’t think I’m the meditative type. Sitting still opens the door for a massive to-do list to enter my mind. So meditation becomes “not thinking about” the things I’m absolutely thinking about.

However, I have three more classes and I will take them because this is the year I finish what I start.

By that token, a friend/penpal and I have decided to have weekly check-ins so that we can be accountable for our creative endeavours and have a two-person support group. We have very different aspirations, and so we complement one another well. Thank you, friend/penpal. So grateful that you’ve suggested this. 

The work I’m doing in these courses gives me a sense of purpose that I didn’t realize I was missing until I found it. 

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