You gotta grab it with both hands

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That’s a really beautiful photo – I took it last summer and have never seen it this large – I wish I could teleport myself back to that moment in time. But I can’t, so … I will manifest more moments in time that are as beautiful as that one. 

Sunday night I dreamt that I was bored. I was bored and could think of no options to alleviate the pain boredom caused. I spent Monday trying to write and not doing a very good job at it – I wound up trashing much of what I wrote. At around 5:30 I went to the gym and worked out harder than I have in a long time … worked out the frustration of a “failed” attempt at writing. Now, in my usual 4:ish AM insomnia I recognize that the boredom of my dream was a metaphor for being stuck in my writing, or, literally, for being bored with what I’ve written. But I also recognize the value of a day spent writing poorly – clearing the cobwebs from my head so that the good writing can find its way out. Because there is good writing in here; life, and thinking about it, gets in the way sometimes. 

I was accused recently of not being strong. This could not be further from the truth; I’m one of the strongest people I know. Shortcomings and the recognition of pain do not a weak person make. 

A good friend of mine, a writer, no less, wrote me this: I need you to do what it takes to be a writer–and that means you care for yourself above all else. That you realize that no one is ever going to wake up and have to be you. You’re the only one who will ever have to live your life. You have to take it seriously–it’s the only place you can get material. You need to slash and burn and read the embers. You’re going to be a writer one way or another. You may as well do it now. 

Duly noted, sweet friend. I’m on it. 

Take the following with a grain of salt:

According to every soothsayer/medium/psychic/palm reader/oracle I’ve ever consulted, I have the ability to  be in touch with the “other side”. I’m not sure I want to be, but I can’t deny that there is truth to this – I feel them. And, quite recently, I heard them, which was fucking scary. I appreciate this ability because it’s convinced me that this is not all there is, that life continues, that spirit does not die. I’ve recently “learned” that those of us who wake up regularly between the hours of 3:30 and 4:30 AM do so because this is the magic hour for the other side – this is when they know they can get our attention. So now I’ll ask those on the other side to a) never show yourselves to me – trust me, I know you’re there … and b) help me hone this writing craft – help me concentrate on it – and trust that it’s what I’m here to do. 

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