I have been remiss in posting lately though I’ve begun to a couple of times. Okay, once. I’ve started one post in the past two weeks. This time of year came particularly quickly it seems, but I’m not lamenting the passing of time. As I’ve said before this is one of the things I can’t stand, when people talk about “how quickly time is going” and how they “hate getting older.” In part this is because both sentiments remind me of my mortality, and in part because these are things we can’t do anything about. Actually, we can stop the aging process but the alternative is far bleaker. At my lowest moments I’ve always held onto faith that things could and would get better, so that alternative has never appealed to me. Thank God. But on a more superficial level, complaining about that which is beyond our control, such as the weather, or traffic, is an exercise in futility. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I’m going to hold off on my year-end post in hopes that I will be compelled to write more before the year’s end. I want to look forward to 2014, and so I do. There is so much I want to do, so many places I want to visit and re-visit. And so much I want to accomplish on a personal level. I’ve begun, at last, to submit my writing and to pitch stories. This is long overdue – fear of failure, fear of success, fear of finding out I’m not much of a writer after all – these all play into my procrastination on these fronts. But I’ve grown tired of not having anything to talk about when people ask me about what I’m working on, and so I am currently working on many things.
I don’t want to talk about it.
Such an odd time of year, this, with my birthday falling smack dab (where did I get that?) in the middle of the holiday frenzy and the new year. I celebrate my birthday; my birthdays traditionally sucked while I was growing up, and so in my 20s I started celebrating … and I haven’t really stopped. Last year at my party a guest told me that I shouldn’t reveal my age, the implication being that I’m past my prime. Fuck that. I have ten more days of being 42 and this has been a milestone of a year in many ways. I’ve actually come a lot further this year than I have in many years past, and thank goodness I still have miles and miles to go. But, as this isn’t the year-end post and as I’m exhausted, I’m going to sign off shortly. And I’m going to do my best to let go of the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future. What else is there? Regret is useless once the lesson’s learned, and pessimism is boring. Alors – enjoy the waning days of 2013 and remember to breathe, always to breathe.