I swear I had a post half-written that I was going to elaborate on but it seems to have disappeared. Maybe I dreamt it. Either way it was a really good one. Alas.
In any event.
Or, as my mum would say, “About which more later.”
I have upcoming events to look forward to: music, a couple of out-of-town excursions, dinner with an old friend, and this is so, so important to me. This sustains me, promise of the future. My horoscope from the other day advised me that I need to stop worrying about what I can’t control and stop living in the past, that today and tomorrow are what matter. This is very hard to do; as Eckhart Tolle says, clearing the chatter of past regret and future worry from our minds is the most human obstacle we face in modern, western times. I’ve not gotten round to meditating again and I probably “should”. I have started to acknowledge and practice the things that soothe me, such as making plans for the future, taking care of my health, creating new projects to work on. Busy is good. Bored is toxic.
I have a new subscriber to my blog – how very exciting and validating. For reals. Thank you, new reader – if you are so inclined, please let me know how you found me.
Cheech and I discussed on our way up to the Berkshires how much we loathe the concept of the “bucket list” – have I already written about this? I hope not. One of the many reasons I loathe this concept is that I do not want to be faced with the notion of my mortality any more than I already am by being wise and present in this lifetime. We discussed the idea of, rather than listing what we want to do, listing what we hope to be. This is so very different. It’s about evolution – and I don’t ever want to stop evolving. The people I am most drawn to, romantically, platonically, and everything-ly, are those who strive constantly for self-betterment, who realize that there is always more to see, feel, learn, and love. I can’t imagine what I’d do or be or think if I felt that I had done or learned or seen everything I was meant to.
I plan to soak up the final bits of this summer as best I can. And I look forward to autumn, which is one of my most productive and prolific times of year. And yes, of course, I fear that by recording my optimism the malevolent higher power I’ve referenced before will have its way with me. But really, I know, it’s up to me to become as strong and whole as I can so that I can best handle whatever the gods throw my way.